I was driving back from a night out with my beloved… when I saw 2 CRACKHEADS walking in the middle of a highway. Having a car full of people I felt protected enough to slow, lower my window and ask WTF mates?
To which the CHs responded… “we run crystal city” - Best Evah :)
Memorial Day Weekend just wouldn’t be right without a boat ride:
T: So, you were on a “boat” … fancy. How many times did you want to yell, IM ON A BOAT ?!?
M: Every moment… No, Seriously. Every moment I was on that boat.
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M: As the boat began to accelerate out of the harbor I remembered that front seats = bumpy seats
B: I remember you learned that lesson the hard way that summer at my parent’s cottage
M: My arse is bruised.
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J: Hold on to your band aid
M: CHECK CAPTAIN!
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M: Whole cup of wine… BAM right to my face
T: Choppy seas will do that
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Police: There are chunks on your boat
J: WAT? Chunks of what? Chunks where?
Police: I think its was a fish
Jeremy @ gtown hospital took my blood. He did a good job… it only hurt a little AND I got a mickey mouse band aid. No druggie would sport a disney character band aid… that’s money better spent on Heroin.
American Apparel - I do love thee BUT a swimsuit with a HOODIE ?!?! You’ve lost me. Looking a little grim reaper on the beach this summer. Lose lil Suzie to a Shark Attack? Go from beachy to mourning… all in the flip of a HOODIE.
My lazer pen and camera were confiscated. When I was asked why I had a camera in my bag… I responded - because you never know when you’ll want to make a memory. Yes. I am a smart ass.
After entrusting my stuff to a stranger, I turn to walk away when this dude says, dont worry I’ll take good care of your stuff, because I wouldn’t want to upset your husband. I respond that I dont have a husband, but thanks. WTF mate? Am I looking older and desperate? Do I smell like I collect cats?
TWO HOURS LATER…
I’m back to get my things and this dude asks why I don’t have a husband… Really?
Then he asks where I live. Really? All I can think about is John’s advice to always respond with, yes, I have a boyfriend OR yes, I have a husband… Lying is always better then unwanted male attention.
Then he says, if I MADE HIM DINNER he would travel to my humble abode. I laughed outloud and said, I don’t cook so… its. not. going to happened. for you. buDDy.
Kid you not. He says, so *pause* can I come over?
NO NO NO a thousand times NO. Gawd.
The sign of a good night.
I can explain why my thumb is purple - its broken
I can explain why I have Kevin’s number - I’m suave
I can NOT explain the cheddar & bacon potato skins I found IN my shower… WTF?!?
