MonkeyShine ***

Im on a BOAT

Memorial Day Weekend just wouldn’t be right without a boat ride:

T: So, you were on a “boat” … fancy.  How many times did you want to yell, IM ON A BOAT ?!?

M:  Every moment… No, Seriously.  Every moment I was on that boat.

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M:  As the boat began to accelerate out of the harbor I remembered that front seats = bumpy seats

B:  I remember you learned that lesson the hard way that summer at my parent’s cottage

M:  My arse is bruised.

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J:  Hold on to your band aid

M:  CHECK CAPTAIN!

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M:  Whole cup of wine… BAM right to my face

T:  Choppy seas will do that

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Police:  There are chunks on your boat

J: WAT?  Chunks of what? Chunks where?

Police:  I think its was a fish

Montgomery County: You should be ashamed

My lazer pen and camera were confiscated.  When I was asked why I had a camera in my bag… I responded - because you never know when you’ll want to make a memory.  Yes.  I am a smart ass.

After entrusting my stuff to a stranger, I turn to walk away when this dude says, dont worry I’ll take good care of your stuff, because I wouldn’t want to upset your husband.  I respond that I dont have a husband, but thanks.  WTF mate?  Am I looking older and desperate?  Do I smell like I collect cats?

TWO HOURS LATER…

I’m back to get my things and this dude asks why I don’t have a husband… Really?

Then he asks where I live.  Really? All I can think about is John’s advice to always respond with, yes, I have a boyfriend OR yes, I have a husband… Lying is always better then unwanted male attention.

Then he says, if I MADE HIM DINNER he would travel to my humble abode.  I laughed outloud and said, I don’t cook so… its. not. going to happened. for you. buDDy.

Kid you not.  He says, so *pause* can I come over?

NO NO NO a thousand times NO.  Gawd.